For many men, the idea of starting a family is something that just… happens. Find the right partner, settle down, and eventually there are little ones running around the house. But for former AFL player, Reece Conca, the journey to fatherhood was far from straightforward — and he’s now sharing his story to help others feel less alone.
“I knew I always wanted to be a dad and I love kids, but it wasn’t something I’d ever given much thought to,” he says. “I was playing football professionally and initially I wanted to have kids when I finished my career so I could put all my energy and focus into that.”
That plan shifted when he met his partner, Annabelle. “She was really passionate about starting a family,” he recalls. “Once we’d been together a while, in our late 20s, I thought, there’s probably no perfect time for it. So we decided to start trying.”
‘I was probably a bit naive’
“We were just naturally trying to conceive for around eight months,” he explains. “Belle was using apps to track her cycle, but we weren’t doing anything beyond that.”
After months without success, they visited a GP. The focus during that first appointment, he recalls, was almost entirely on Annabelle. “On reflection, there wasn’t really anything discussed about my fertility—aside from whether I smoked, drank or was healthy,” Reece says, “I think a lot of males are in the same boat and that’s part of the reason that I advocate being more invested in the lead up to conception. Start putting things in place, have those conversations, don’t just go in blind and hope for the best.”
A difficult diagnosis
It wasn’t until a year had passed that more investigations began. “I was pretty anxious about getting a fertility test,” he admits. “I didn’t know what it involved. There’s a sense of uncertainty and stress, but also shame and embarrassment.”
When the test results came back, they were devastating. “They came back severely low. There was still some sperm, so there was a little bit of hope. But a few months later, I was tested again and that came back zero. I remember that night—Belle and I just cried most of it. Just trying to wrestle with the idea of what’s next.”
He was diagnosed with low testosterone and began hormone treatment. “It was a really traumatic period. I was nauseous all the time, really irritable, had a lot of mood swings and a lot of shame and embarrassment. It’s also really expensive.”
Eventually, he underwent a micro-TESE—an invasive surgical procedure to extract sperm directly from the testes. “It felt like a pretty scary process,” he says. “Getting operated on your testes is pretty daunting.”
Thankfully, the surgery was a success. “They found some sperm and Belle had a heap of eggs, which we were very lucky with. We created our embryos, froze them, and started our first IVF cycle.”
IVF, hope and heartbreak
But IVF brought its own set of emotional challenges. “We did five months of failed cycles,” he says.
“We decided to change specialists and I had another micro-TESE where they found a lot more sperm. We did one round of IVF and Belle fell pregnant.”
That moment is etched in his memory. “I got home from work and Belle surprised me. She had done God knows how many pregnancy tests—maybe 10 of them—lined up on the kitchen bench. She was crying at the end of the corridor. That moment, I’ll never forget.”
In December 2024, their son Giovanni was born. “I’ve loved every second of fatherhood,” he says. “I tell everyone, I can’t really have a bad day. Everyone sort of laughs at me, but I’m just really leaning into it.”
Mental health and communication
Throughout the process, mental health support and open communication were critical. “I did a lot of work with my psych around being vulnerable. That can be quite hard for a lot of people, and for me it was a learned skill.”
He and Belle made a conscious effort to connect. “At night we would really sit on the couch, have a cup of tea, no phones, no TV and just talk about how we were feeling,” he shares. “But there were definitely a lot of bad days, arguments—that’s natural.”
Reece strongly encourages other couples on a similar journey to consider therapy. “A lot of people think couples therapy is for when you’re going to break up, but that’s not the case. It teaches you how to communicate and sit with each other’s emotions. That’s invaluable.”
Breaking the silence
At the beginning, he says, he felt alone. “I didn’t have anyone to talk to about male infertility. There wasn’t a lot online, I hadn’t heard much about it.”
Seeing the support Annabelle received after sharing their experience online, he decided to speak out too. “I’ve had a lot of people reach out and the common theme is shame and guilt.”
His message to other men is simple: “You’re not alone and it’s more common than you think. It doesn’t make you any less of a man, it doesn’t make you weaker or inferior. The thing that helped me the most was the support I had around me and a lot of self-compassion.”
Today, he’s embracing fatherhood and using his story to help others. “Keep being really proactive with your journey, whether you’re at the very start or in the trenches,” he says. “There is light at the end of the tunnel.”
