What is depression?
Depression causes feelings of sadness, emptiness or irritability that last for so long that people begin feeling numb, can’t experience pleasure from things they used to and can’t go about their day-to-day activities.
It’s not the same as sadness. Sadness occurs in response to specific events and goes away, and it doesn’t stop someone from going about daily life.
Depression usually develops gradually over time, but onset can be sudden in some cases. Major depressive disorder is a recurrent life-long illness and usually involves episodes of depression with periods of feeling well in between. With treatment, depressive episodes last around three to six months, and most people with depression experience more than one episode.
Major depressive disorder, persistent depressive disorder and substance- or medication-induced depression are the names of the clinical diagnoses for people who ‘feel depressed’ or ‘have depression’.
How common is depression in males?
Between one in seven to one in eight Australian males (13%) experience depression at some point in their lives.
We used to think that depression was less common in males than females, but recent research suggests rates are about the same when male-type depression symptoms are considered.
What are the symptoms of depression in males?
There are differences in the symptoms of depression in men and women.
Women are more likely than men to feel stressed, to have problems sleeping, and to lose interest in things they usually enjoy.
What causes depression?
Depression is caused by combinations of things (e.g. genetics, physical health, life experiences, stress) that are different for everyone. There is no single cause of depression that is the same for everybody.
There’s a list of risk factors for depression in men here.
What your partner with depression might be feeling
Someone with depression might not notice their symptoms or or realise their thoughts, feelings or behaviours are symptoms of depression. They might avoid talking about their situation or deny that there is a problem.
Men often try to manage their problems themselves instead of seeking help. This can lead to the use of alcohol and other substances as a way of trying to cope with symptoms of depression.
Depression can make people feel distant from others, so your partner may not ask for help even if they know something is wrong. Delays in seeking help for depression can lead to it getting worse, and ineffective self-management strategies can lead to other problems.
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What you might be feeling about your partner’s depression
It can be difficult to live with someone who has depression, because of the effect their symptoms and behaviours have on you. You may feel helpless, stressed, rejected and frustrated. Being the main source of support for a partner with depression can feel like a lot of pressure so it’s important you keep up habits that prioritise your own health and ask for support when you need it.
For someone with depression, the inability to get pleasure from things they once enjoyed can extend to the people around them and their relationships. Successful treatment of your partner’s depression will allow them to enjoy your relationship again.
Depression and sex drive
Depression can be characterised by a marked decrease in activities that were previously a source of pleasure, such as sex. Mood changes and fatigue can prevent your body from responding physically, contributing to low libido difficulties with arousal, erectile dysfunction and delayed orgasm. Having issues with your sexual health can cause shame, guilt and low self-esteem, and worsen symptoms of depression. This can become a vicious cycle of worsening depression and sexual dysfunction. Some antidepressants can contribute to sexual dysfunction, including delayed ejaculation. If this is a concern for you, talk to your prescribing doctor as there may be alternative medications available for you.
How to support a partner who has depression
Check in
Talking about depression with your partner might take some planning and you might be worried about what to say. Choose a time when they’re comfortable and you’ve got some privacy. You can start by telling your partner that you’ve noticed they’re having a hard time, you’re worried about them, you’re here for them and want to help them. You don’t have to have all the answers or solutions, being willing to stick around and support them to feel better is most important.
Ask how you can help
Ask them to be honest about what they need — there might be things that haven’t occurred to you.
Seek professional help
The support of family and friends helps with recovery from depression but seeing a health professional is critical. Encouraging and assisting your partner to see their GP is a good first step.
Encourage hope
Reassuring someone with depression that they can look forward to feeling better, and letting them know when you notice improvements in their symptoms, can help them feel hopeful and positive about their recovery.
