A partner's guide

When your partner has substance use disorder

Signs your partner has substance use disorder and what to do if it's impacting their health, yourself and your relationship.

6 min

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What is substance use disorder?

Substance use disorder is a mental health condition that affects thinking and behaviour related to the use of a substance.

People with substance use disorder develop tolerance to the substance they’re using (they need more of the drug than they did before to feel its effects) and have withdrawal symptoms when they reduce their use.

The withdrawal symptoms prompt people to keep using the substance even though it’s causing them harm.

Learn more about substance use disorder on our health topic page

How common is substance use disorder?

Substance use disorder is twice as common in males than in females.

One in every four Australian males aged 16-85 years old will experience substance use disorder at some point in their lives.

Substance use disorder is usually associated with tobacco, alcohol and other recreational drugs but it can also occur with some prescription medicines.

Not everyone who uses a substance develops a substance use disorder.

What are the signs and symptoms of substance use disorder?

What causes substance use disorder?

Substance use disorder involves ‘rewiring’ of the brain in a way that encourages the continuation of substance use, even though the person may be aware of the damage it is causing.

Substance use disorder is not a lifestyle choice or a personality characteristic.

Many people with substance use disorder have experienced trauma.

What someone with substance use disorder might be feeling

The combination of dependence on a substance, withdrawal symptoms and changes in the brain makes it very difficult for someone with substance use disorder to stop their substance use, even though they may be aware of the damage it is causing and want to stop.

Feelings of shame and guilt can cause someone with substance use disorder to try and hide their behaviour.

They might lie to support their behaviour (e.g. making up reasons for needing to borrow money) or to avoid judgement from family and friends.

People with substance use disorder may be aware that their behaviour is harming their relationships and hurting other people, and might want to make changes but are unable to do so.

What you might be feeling about someone’s substance use disorder

It can be frustrating, scary and saddening if someone you care about has substance use disorder, and it can take a lot of work to provide the support they might need to help them change their behaviour.

However, close personal relationships can help people with substance use disorder to stop their substance use.

People who support another person with substance use disorder can become codependent, meaning that they spend most of their time responding to the needs of the person with substance use disorder, to the extent that it has negative effects on their own life.

Codependency is bad for both people in the relationship and can work against someone overcoming substance use disorder.

If someone who is close to you has a problem with substance use, you need to look after yourself first. You cannot help others if you are not safe and well yourself.

Having someone else who can support you, while you are supporting someone with substance use disorder, can protect you from collateral damage.

The Alcohol and Drug Foundation’s Path2Help online portal can provide information to help you deal with someone else’s substance use and connect you with services that provide help for you, your loved one, and your family and friends.

Learn more about substance use disorder on our health topic page

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When your partner has substance use disorder

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Information provided on this website is not a substitute for medical advice

Call 000 for emergency services

If you or someone you know needs urgent medical attention.

Call MensLine Australia on 1300 78 99 78 for 24/7 support

MensLine Australia is a telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns.

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