When it comes to male sexual trauma, we don’t have a good understanding of the actual number of victim survivors. Stigma, shame and misconceptions are some of the reasons why many male victim survivors (cis and trans) remain unseen, and unsupported. Sexual trauma can affect every part of a person’s life, including their relationships, mental health and sex life. Here’s what you need to know about the impacts of sexual violence on men and how you can get support.
This content may be triggering or activating for some of you who are reading this. If you need support, please call the following services:
– 1800respect (1800 737 732)
– MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78
– 13YARN 13 92 76
– Rainbow Sexual, Domestic and Family Violence Helpline 1800 497 212
What is sexual trauma and how common is it?
Sexual violence is defined as “sexual activity that happens where consent is not freely given or obtained, is withdrawn, or the person is unable to consent due to their age or other factors”. This means any sexual activity, and is not limited to penile penetration, but can be unwanted touch, digital penetration or the use of objects, as well as sexual coercion. The person may also not be able to give consent due to being under the influence of alcohol or other drugs, be it from a big night, or having been deliberately drugged. As a professional, I have lost count of the number of times a young man has said “I woke up and there was a guy/s doing things to me”.
Statistics show at least one in six men have been sexually abused or assaulted. In Australia, it is estimated that 90-95% of men who experience a sexually traumatic event do not report the crime, with one study showing that only 3-7% of male victims report sexual violence that occurred during adulthood.
Victim survivors of sexual trauma often report experiencing what professionals label as Rape Trauma Syndrome (RTS). This can include one or more of the following:
I want to stress at this point that these are very normal reactions to a traumatic event.
We know from research with victims of sexual assault that the sooner someone engages with support services, the better their recovery journey is likely to be. However, as we have seen, most male victims do not reach out for help, and it takes its toll. So, to cope, many guys may lean into maladaptive coping strategies such as self-medicating with prescription and non-prescription medication, or alcohol, to numb the pain of the event or help them escape. Paradoxically, some survivors engage in hypersexual behaviour, while others may isolate themselves from their support base, and sadly, for some, it is too much to live with so they take their own lives.
The myths around male sexual trauma
How sexual trauma can impact your sex life
Experiencing sexual trauma can significantly affect your sex life. We often associate sex with intimacy, trust, affection, fun, and even love; however, after a sexual assault, anything sexual can be associated with that very traumatic event. For some victims, sex becomes too overwhelming, and so they either don’t engage in sex or, if they do, they may find that they dissociate during the act, sometimes resulting in negative feedback from their partner like “you don’t seem to be into it”. Dissociation is a way that our minds and bodies protect us during traumatic events and afterwards in response to events that are similar to the trauma, even if we’re safe.
When it comes to masturbation, some victims find this an acceptable form of sexual expression as they are in control of the situation. However, for others, even this can be triggering, as any touching of the genitals, as well as audio or visual cues, can remind the person of the assault. Masturbation can be a great way for someone to start reclaiming their agency, but I would strongly recommend working with a therapist during this process.
When we talk about erectile dysfunction (ED), it is often referred to as performance anxiety. Anxiety is our body’s way of preparing us for fight or flight, and as such, our body’s physiology changes in that moment. For example, we may feel our heart rate increase and breathing speed up, we become more alert to our surroundings, and while all that is happening, our blood is redirected to major muscle groups. What may happen for victims is that their bodies may anticipate something bad is going to happen, and as a result, they may experience ED. An extra challenge to this is that it may be subconscious, which can add an extra level of distress to an already distressing and painful situation.
What can I do if I experience sexual assault?
Trauma impacts every one of us in different ways, and as such, different people may need different ways to help manage their trauma. I use the word “manage” because trauma does have a habit of popping up when least expected, so it is important to find a good therapist and have tools that help you navigate it when it does pop up. Working with a therapist, you can get to a point where your trauma can be manageable, and you can start to explore and enjoy sex again as part of a healthy life experience.
Cit Carney
Cit Carney is an experienced psychosexual therapist who specialises in treating anxiety and depression, PTSD and trauma, grief and loss, relationship and couples counselling, sex therapy, coming out and transitioning support, porn and sex addiction, stress management and HIV/STI counselling.
