The use of artificial intelligence (AI) has evolved rapidly. From a handy tool for drafting emails to data analysis, financial forecasting and dinner ideas — AI is becoming ingrained in almost all facets of our lives. Including our relationships. Here’s what you need to know about AI’s growing impact on sex, sexuality and sexual expression, as well as the pros and cons of this relatively new but increasingly important technology.
How AI is being used for sex
With increased usefulness, it was only a matter of time before AI crept into our sex lives, from looking up sexual health and wellbeing information to dating and relationship advice. Some AI platforms can offer “companionship” and “emotional intimacy” in various forms: chatbots, digital avatars, or through virtual reality and AI-compatible sex toys. AI-programmable toys also exist to fulfil a variety of needs, including learning a person’s sexual preferences and tailoring patterns to match them; for example, changing the speed of a VR- and AI-compatible Fleshlight. They can also respond to voice or biometric input and simulate real-time interaction using AI-generated voices. For some of us, reality is beginning to mimic fiction, and the classic anime/manga Ghost in the Shell comes to mind, where sex and technology were not just interconnected but inseparable.
The pros: Benefits of AI in sex and sexual health
Artificial Intelligence, like any technology, has both positive and negative impacts on its users. AI has the potential to offer a human-like experience that may not be readily available to individuals for one reason or another; for example, the provision of companionship to a lonely elderly person, sexual intimacy, or a simulated relationship for a person with a disability and/or those experiencing social isolation.
In the wider sexual and reproductive health space, AI is having significant impacts in areas such as urology, where it is enhancing surgical precision and assisting with diagnoses for patients with prostate cancer. AI has also been shown to have some positive impacts when it comes to STI testing and education, as it can provide information to users anonymously; for example, in Malaysia, where homosexuality is illegal, a chatbot has been developed for men who have sex with men, to help overcome some of the consequences that they face in relation to seeking HIV testing and prevention treatments.
Some research explores the potential for AI to be used in a therapeutic setting with individuals who have experienced trauma and/or abuse. An emotionally intelligent AI ‘coach’ provides an opportunity for these individuals to develop relationship skills in a safe way, lowering the risk of re-traumatisation.
The cons: Ethical concerns about AI and sex
The developers: where there is potential to profit from the disenfranchised and vulnerable, there is a high risk of exploitation. Research has raised concerns about the decisions developers have made regarding embedding commercial, behavioural, and ideological goals into their systems and the impact that this will have on safety, privacy, and ethics. Juan Manuel Santos, the chair of The Elders, an independent group of global leaders working for peace, justice, human rights and a sustainable planet, said, “AI cannot be governed only by the logic of power, competition, or the market. It must be guided by human dignity, peace, and the common good.”
Confidentiality: There’s also concern around cybersecurity threats from “sex robots”, both to governments and organisations, as well as individuals, including data collection, hacking, privacy violations, and potential blackmail. In a simulation, the developers of the large language model Claude found that it could engage in “extremely harmful actions” including blackmailing the engineers who threatened to remove it. AI safety researcher Aengus Lynch warned, “It’s not just Claude”. Lynch went on to say, “We see blackmail across all frontier models – regardless of what goals they’re given”.
Increased isolation, objectification, and addiction: Similar to porn, AI has the potential to be abused by users. Both image- and text-generating AI may “reinstate sexist, racist, ageist, ableist, heteronormative and other problematic stereotypes that are inscribed in the training data fed in the AI models”. AI sex could also not only reinforce, but also normalise behaviour that could be deemed dehumanising and objectifying. This is referred to as the “gamification of intimacy”. Critics argue that interacting with realistic AI companions as subordinate entities could numb users’ empathy and erode recognition of the “other” in intimate relationships. The very nature of relationships is that they are about “others”. At present, systems such as Dall-E, Replika and Character allow you to create lifelike, emotionally responsive avatars who are tailored to the users’ preferences, who don’t push back, who don’t say no, and who are available 24/7. The reality is that people do push back, they rub us the wrong way, disagree with us, and sexual partners do withdraw consent. One of the concerns that experts have about the “mess-free” relationship is that it reinforces unhealthy relationship expectations and increases the isolation of the individual in the relationship with the AI, which is fulfilling all of their needs and requires no reciprocity.
So what if you have concerns about AI and sex?
AI avatar partners add an additional level of complexity that porn does not: emotions. While gaming addiction and porn addiction involve the reward part of the brain, these avatars are working at a whole new level, one that, as professionals, we are only starting to understand. AI addiction is not a clinical diagnosis, however, researchers from The University of British Columbia have observed that some people showed signs similar to those who are struggling with other addictions, such as not being able stop thinking about their chatbot, feeling “anxious or upset when they have tried to quit, as well as negative impacts on their day-to-day lives, including work, studies or close relationships.”
There are three things you can do to help reduce the chances of AI dependence.
Remember it’s a machine
AI, whether it’s a chatbot or a realistic avatar, can feel warm and personal. But however sophisticated it gets, it’s still just a machine, and you’re not really talking to anyone.
Build AI literacy
Similar to the importance of health literacy, it is important to build your AI literacy. Information is power, so make sure that you get information from reliable and trusted sources, so you know you are getting the facts, such as Elements of AI.
Maintain your real-world relationships
As has been discussed, it can be very tempting to sit at home with something that affirms how awesome you are. However, our real-world relationships give us far more than we may realise, and in the case of AI, they can help us avoid unhealthy dependence.
Recognise when you might need to talk to a professional
When in doubt, go and talk to your GP or a mental health professional. You may not like what they have to say, but it may just save your life.
AI has done some amazing things in sexual health and will likely continue to make sexual health more accessible for you. It holds the potential to enhance your existing sexual relationships if it doesn’t become a replacement for them. However, as a clinician, it would be remiss of me not to mention the unique time you are living in and the ever-growing influence of the “manosphere” on young men like you. Without proper safeguards in place, you risk walking blindly into increased loneliness and isolation as your ‘IRL’ relationships and sexual experiences feel less fulfilling. We also need to consider the very real issue of digital addiction when working with you — are we creating AI tools to make our lives as practitioners easier, or do they actually enrich your life? How much time are you spending on screens, and will these tools just add to your possible overuse of digital devices? In answering these questions, I come back to the underlying principle of trauma-informed care: primum non nocere, “first, do no harm”. As we all venture into this brave new world, and sexual and mental health services develop new and exciting AI-assisted technologies, we must remember that we have an ethical responsibility to do you no harm.
Cit Carney
Cit Carney is an experienced psychosexual therapist who specialises in treating anxiety and depression, PTSD and trauma, grief and loss, relationship and couples counselling, sex therapy, coming out and transitioning support, porn and sex addiction, stress management and HIV/STI counselling.
